Rome
Rome did not fall when the barbarians were at the gates. It did not fall with the reign of Nero, or Caligula, or when Christians were fed to the lions. As my friend said the other day, empires take a long time to fall. It is a long slow cut by a thousands deaths that topples great civilizations. I lack the ability and patience to understand what is happening to us at the moment as a society. It is the day after the Georgia Senate run off election, and I do not care who won. The reasons why are manifold, but it is never a topic of conversation with my mother at dinner why. I have seen so much these past twenty years, am thirty nine at the moment and cannot give you one reason to live. You might wonder at present what it is that got me to sit down at the keyboard to write then. Perhaps it is to give myself something to do. I am bored of pornography, I do not drink that much, weed is not legal, and COVID-19 has shut pretty much every other thing down. Minimum wage is low enough to dissuade manual labor. I am too highly trained to bother retraining for something outside my field. I want to die.
My writing will never be something worth focusing on I feel. It is something that I only do late at night in times like these when it is no longer possible to sleep. It is only something I do when I have to convince myself that what I am going through at a particular moment is something worthy of considering rationally. I lack a wife, or a significant other. That is always a mystery to my father’s side of the family. Why are you not married? Rome did not fall when the barbarians were at the gates. It did not fall with the reign of Nero, or Caligula, or even when President Trump took to Twitter. As my friend said the other day, empires take a long time to fall. It is a long slow cut by a thousand deaths that toppled my civilization. I lack the ability or patience to understand what is happening to me now. It is the day after the Georgia Senate runoff and I do not give a fuck who won. The reasons are manifold, but is never a topic of conversation at dinner with my mother why. I am nearing forty years old, and need something to fight for these days. I have run out of windmills to tilt. I am tired. You might wonder why you should continue reading this, if you do good there is not much that will be said here that has not been said before somewhere else, better, more accurately, or with more grace.
On my mother’s side of the family, there is a tendency to suppress emotions. Call it a Northern European thing. Our trust in each other rests on what we can do, or what we do not say. She comes from money, more than I will ever have. It was not acquired recently, in this generation or the one before. The kids have a word for it, privilege, but we do not like to use that around the house. We prefer to fix OTHER people’s problems, not our own. If you were to ask me why the topic of Rome came up at the beginning it might be because people from my mother’s side of the family like to think back to that time as a time of glory and might. We studied Roman history as a child in school and I encountered it again in Church History class at Princeton Seminary. It is a metaphor for what makes a society rise and fall, employed by the powers that be to tell stories about human society. On my father’s side of the family, there is a tendency to suppress emotions. He comes from a time long ago when it was possible to trust your elders. I long for this, for today it is not even possible. Rome did not fall when the barbarians were at the gates. It did not fall with the reign of Nero, or Caligula, or when the Christians were fed to the lions. As my friend said the other day, empires take a long time to fall.
A bomb just went off in Nashville. My mother said the other day a trip to Nashville would get me out of my funk. Coincidence? Bombs are going off more frequently these days in my country. Is this now a “Thing?” Is it normal, and should I move on with my life? I was a sophomore in college when the planes hit the twin towers in New York. At the time, we said “Why are they doing this to us?” Voices of social criticism were silenced. I am tired. The apathy is driving me mad. Slowly, I am loosing the will to live. I cannot trust my neighbors. I live with Latin American immigrants and Blacks now. We do not trust each other as a rule here. My car exists to be damaged by road rage at the moment. I try to escape my apartment to return to a neighborhood that is white each day for dinner to talk about my problems. Just being honest. The bomb that went off in Nashville is disturbing. I am suppressing the urge to Google anything about it. I do not care at the moment the why. I am numb. Kids my age or numb. We are sad, and we are needy. I cannot trust my elders.
They say civil war is on the horizon. The year that was thrown out yesterday by my friend was 1937. Imagine you were living in 1937 he said. What then?
They want all for one and none for all
I want to be there to witness the downfall
They’ll only sell us out when our backs are turned
And we’ll keep paying the price until our lesson is learnt
So cast your votes
Watch them shed their skin
Every snake has its price
If the money’s on the table they don’t think twice
So cast your votes, watch them shed their skin
We are paralysed
But there are none so blind as those who will not see
What’s it going to take to get us to stand up?
‘Cause you can see it in their eyes, they don’t give a fuck
About what matters to us
Another faceless figure, an empty silhouette
They’ll line their pockets and leave us six feet deep in debt
So cast your votes, watch them shed their skin
Always out for blood, praying on the weak
We can count on them to paint the future bleak
But we’re still standing by whilst they bleed us dry
We are paralysed
But there are none so blind as those who will not see
What’s it going to take to get us to stand up?
‘Cause you can see it in their eyes, they don’t give a fuck
About what matters to us
So enough is enough
What’s it going to take to get us to stand up?
‘Cause you can see it in their eyes, they don’t give a fuck
Right and wrong it’s all the same to me
Thick as thieves as far as I can see
They are leeches all (they are leeches all)
Right and wrong it’s all the same to me
Thick as thieves as far as I can see (I can see)
They are leeches all but we’re still standing by whilst they bleed us dry
They want all for one and none for all
I want to be there to witness the downfall
We are paralysed
They want all for one and none for all
I want to be there to witness the downfall
Contaminated
Nothing is sacred
Born and bred on pure hatred
Cause they haunt our streets with a phantom fear
No one is safe, no one is welcome here
No one is welcome here
Can you taste the poison in the air?
I swear it’s everywhere, it’s everywhere
Hidden in plain sight
Lost in black and white
I’ll chase the dying of the light
They want the victims to hang their heads in shame
Well fuck them all, we won’t play their game
We won’t play their game
I’ve seen through every word the prophets propagate
This is a failed state
So read between the lines
This is a failed state
No love no empathy
Our fellow man is now our enemy
No love no unity
Erase our souls, distort reality
Can you taste the poison in the air?
I swear it’s everywhere, it’s everywhere
Hidden in plain sight
Lost in black and white
I’ll chase the dying of the light
They will sow the seeds of blind contempt
Then let us bleed until our heart’s content.
Hidden in plain sight, lost in black and white
I’ll chase the dying of the light
No love. No empathy
Our fellow man is now our enemy
No love no empathy
No love no unity
Our fellow man is now our enemy
